How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
