The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
