I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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