He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dear god my vagina.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize