I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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