Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just found a bag of teeth...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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