i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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