Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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