There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
