So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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