I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
