watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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