Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
