I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
