THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
