I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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