I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
