I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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