beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
