Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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