carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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