It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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