its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
