Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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