I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
