i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
