It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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