you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
