malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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