Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
