You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
