dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
