You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
