Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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