I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
People in love make me want to vomit
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize