so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
