Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
