I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
