You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
