so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
