i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
