I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
