I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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