I puked a lego.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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