k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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