life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
