I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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