This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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