i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
