Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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