if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
