maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
