It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
