u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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