so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
