I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
foreskin is a definite game changer
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
