Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
