I wish you could order shots online.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
