Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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