We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
