I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Damn victory sex feels great
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
