The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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