Umm I'm too high to move.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
