He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
NoShamevember. You game?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
