I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I cut my penus on the lid.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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