Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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