Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
