Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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