I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize