hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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