I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
