it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
