Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
