FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
