You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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