Whod you bang
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
