Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
