I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize