Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i think i just lost a toe
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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