Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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