I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
