You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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