I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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