you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
