we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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