I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
