it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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