He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
