Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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