this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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