i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
