had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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