You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
