another moral hangover. fuck.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize