why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
