Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
