If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
