Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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