When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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