when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
