are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
