he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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