How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
