Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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