You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I pour the whiskey from now on
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
