Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
