Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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