some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
