When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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