Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
