If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
