i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
