At least make sure they are 18
Why
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
